"The Bride Wore Black Leather" by Simon R. Green

In the secret heart of London, under the cover of endless darkness, the Nightside caters to anyone with any unusual itch that needs to be scratched. But enter at your own risk. The party animals who live here may be as inhuman as their appetites...

My name is John Taylor. The Nightside is my home. I didn't plan it that way. In fact, I once tried to get away. But I cam back. And now it seems I'm settling down, with a full-time job (in addition to my work as a very private eye) as Walker - the new representative of the Authorities in the Nightside - and a wedding in the offing.

I'm marrying the love of my life, Suzie Shooter, the Nightside's most fearsome bounty hunter. But nothing comes easy here. Not life. Not death. And for certain, not happily-ever-after. Before I can say "I do," I have one more case to solve as a private eye - and my first assignment as Walker.

Both jobs would be a lot easier to accomplish if I weren't on the run, from friends and enemies alike. And if my bride-to-be weren't out to collect the bounty on my head...

I'm sort of feeling a love-hate relationship with this entry in Green's Nightside series. As always, I love John Taylor and his weird and wicked world. But this time felt...somehow less. Perhaps it's due to John's new role as Walker, although I couldn't really tell much difference from "old" John to "new" John. He might be a bit more reserved in his reactions to people, a bit less violent in how he handles them, but I don't think that was it. I just couldn't quite put my finger on it...

Perhaps the problem was the pacing of the story. Once I read the book blurb, I expected John to be on the run for most of the book, and that isn't the case at all. In fact, the running doesn't start until about half-way through this story, and I never felt like John was in any real danger; I knew he'd end up being cleared. I also didn't believe that Suzie was one of the many looking to bring him in and/or kill him. I don't know if that's because I couldn't believe the character would ever do such a thing or if Green just didn't do a good enough job convincing me that she had turned on John, too.

But all is not lost; the main adventure of the story has John paired with Julian Advent. I've always adored Julian and his proper British gentleman manner, and he's a perfect foil for John. Also happy to see John's secretary/girl Friday, Cathy, who has been all too absent in the last few installments. Actually, we see a lot of John's old friends and enemies, and after reading the reviews on Amazon, I now know why: this is the last book in the Nightside series. It still doesn't change my opinion of it being a solid "C", and I guess that's what disappoints me. I would like to have felt that the last book was an "A+", sending John out with a bang, which is what he deserves. As this book stands, I would say Green sent him out with a fairly decent but reserved party. Sad to see him go, but perhaps my feelings are an indication that it's time to say farewell to this old friend.

Then again, Green's website says: Please note; This is the last Nightside novel featuring John Taylor and friends and the last Nightside novel for the time being.

I'm thinking we haven't seen the last of John Taylor. In that case, I will say "adieu" rather than goodbye...

"Fat is the New 30: The Sweet Potato Queens' Guide to Coping with (the crappy parts of) Life" by Jill Connor Browne

The Sweet Potato Queens are back and bawdier than ever in Southern belle extraordinaire Jill Connor Browne's ninth edition of the hysterical series. Having experienced pretty much ALL of the crappy parts of life, Brown feels it is her duty to render whatever assistance she can to her fellow sufferers - and she does so in her own inimitable fashion.

Her father taught her there are very few situations in life that we really and truly cannot change, and it is up to us to figure out how to either make fun OUT of them - or make fun OF them. And fortunately for the rest of us, Brown is well equipped for both. Including the exploits of the Queen contingent and her family, she delivers tidbits like:

• Thinking or talking about watermelon can save any negative situation.
• If you get drunk in Scotland, you can't have your cow with you.
• When sanity and reason fail, you can always cheerfully resort to ridicule.
• Denial means that every situation is perfectly perfect.

More fun that a Cracker Barrel full of monkeys, [this book] will change your life - or at least give you ideas for making fun of yourownself.

As always, an SPQ book is good for what ails ya. I laughed, and yes, I cried. Sometimes from laughing so hard, and at the end, from feeling the grief that Ms. Browne has felt at the loss of her dear mama.

I've read every book in this series, and I highly recommend them. There just really isn't anything else I can say other than read them for yourself. Funny, touching, thought-provoking, and always filled with at least one mouth-watering recipe.

In fact, now that I think about it, I find myself wanting something sweet. And something salty. And just generally yummy. Thanks Jill!

"Last Suppers: Famous Final Meals from Death Row" by Ty Treadwell and Michelle Vernon

How's this for a last meal: 24 tacos, 2 cheeseburgers, 2 whole onions, 5 jalapenos peppers, 6 enchiladas, 6 tostadas, one quart of milk and one chocolate milkshake? That's what David Castillo, convicted murderer packed in the night before Texas shot him up with a lethal injection. Or how about this: A dozen steamed mussels, a Burger King double cheeseburger with mustard, mayonnaise, lettuce and tomato, a can of Franco-American spaghetti with meatballs, a mango, half of a pumpkin pie with whipped cream, and a strawberry milkshake - all that went down the hatch of killer Thomas Grasso on the eve of Oklahoma's giving him the needle.

The United States remains one of the "civilized" nations to utilize capital punishment as a crime-fighting tool. Execution rituals have always varied slightly from state to state, not only in the method of death but also in the care and treatment of the accused during his final hours. One ritual that remains constant throughout all 38 states which have the death penalty is the act of feeding the condemned man a special last meal before execution. The quantity and quality of the food available to the inmate does vary, but each man or woman is always allowed to partake in one final feast before they shake hands with the Grim Reaper.

The ritual seems to be important not only to the inmate and to prison officials, but to the general public as well. Almost every newspaper article documenting an execution lists the condemned man's last meal alongside his last words and the other details of the execution, making one wonder why this tidbit of information is so greedily sought after. Do last meal menus somehow shed light on the inner psyche of the condemned man himself? Like a mystic reading tea leaves, do we hope to discover the reasoning behind a mad killers crimes by examining the gravy smears on his plate? Could a proven connection between cheesecakes lovers and axe-murderers aid law enforcement officials in solving crimes? Regardless of the reasons, it can truly be said that criminals arent' the only ones with an appetite for "last suppers". So dig in and enjoy!

I originally picked up this book for hubby dearest; he'd seen it in an appendix to one of the Walt Longmire novels by Craig Johnson. The back of the book (the blurb above) intrigued me, so when he finished it in about an hour, I picked it up right after him.

What did I learn from this book? Well, evidently if you're on Death Row and you've made it to your "last meal", gluttony is the name of the game. The number of last meals that included a nauseating amount of food really astonished me, considering that according to the authors, most inmates finished pretty much all of their feasts. I don't know how long one gets to eat a "last meal", although one entry did say that the meal was delivered in the afternoon, and most executions seem to occur in the wee hours of the morning. Still...that's a lot of food.

A lot of inmates have gone for "home-cookin'" type meals: meatloaf, mashed potatoes, etc. Some have gone more exotic, and most notably, Floridians ordered a lot of seafood. No surprise as they have ready access to it. Some states, however, require you to choose from items already stocked in the kitchen; Huntsville has the most requests for cheeseburgers, as they always have the ground beef, cheese, and buns on hand. Much as I love a good cheeseburger, I don't know that I'd choose it as a last meal.

There are some interesting little tidbits in the book that have nothing to do with the last meals themselves. For example, there have been more than 500 executions since the death penalty was reinstated in 1976, and yes, Texas leads the pack with over 150 of those 500 (as of the publication date of this book, which was 2001). Men make up almost all death row inmates; women account for less than 2% of the sentences imposed, and only six women have been executed since 1976. (Women also tend to kill family members, and poison is their preferred...well...poison).

It's a morbid book, too, with lots of gallows humor, literally and figuratively. Normally this doesn't bother me, as I have a weird sense of humor anyway. But something about it this time didn't sit well with me. I can't put my finger on why exactly. I realize that several of those that have been executed were anything but respectful to their victims, so it's not as if the authors needed to be respectful of them. Still, it just struck me as a bit callous. Overall, though, I would recommend this. An interesting (and short) read.

Book Club with FREE books!

As you may know if you've been following my little blog here, I started proofreading for an e-publisher last fall. Astraea Press puts out nice, "clean" reads in several genres, including romance, fantasy, even young adult. And have they got an offer for you! Straight from the Facebook page:

Each month Astraea Press and their authors will be offering one (1) title for FREE to the AP Book Club for readers to read and enjoy. While it is encouraged that members who receive these free books leave reader reviews at places like Amazon, B&N and Goodreads or blogs, it is not mandatory.

At the end of each month, the author whose book was offered to readers will be available for a chat :) Readers can talk to the author and other readers about the book.

Book Club members will also have opportunities to win some nifty gifts and prize packs :)

Reviewers are welcome but you do NOT have to be a blogger to enjoy the books that we will offer each month :)

Astraea Press loves our readers and we want to say thank you for your support :)

FREE BOOKS! Now, keep in mind this is an e-publisher, so yes, we're talking about e-books, not physical copies. However, our titles are available in several formats, including the Kindle. What if you don't have an e-reader? You can request a .pdf and read it on your computer!

If you've ever wanted to join a book club but were reluctant to do so for any reason, this may be your lucky day. You do need a Facebook account (sorry, but that's where the group is located, so that's kind of the only requirement) and some sort of Internet access, but that's all. No gas for the car, no food for the group (although we do love bacon an awful lot!), no face-to-face interaction for those who are on the shy side, or have trouble speaking in public. And you get to enjoy a book every month and find out what others think about the book and talk to the author!

Interested? Here's the link to the group on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/319805601428268/

If for some reason it doesn't work, just type in "Astraea Press Book Club" in the find tool at the top. Have fun, my fellow readers!

"Tough Sh*t: Life Advice from a Fat, Lazy Slob Who Did Good" by Kevin Smith

Kevin Smith is full of shit.

That Kevin Smith? The guy who did Clerks a million years ago? Didn't they bounce his fat ass off a plane once? What could you possibly learn from the director of Cop Out? How about this: He changed filmmaking forever when he was twenty-three, and since then he's done whatever the hell he wants. He makes movies, writes comics, owns a store, and now he's built a podcasting empire with his friends and family, including a wife who's way out of his league. So here's some tough shit: Kevin Smith has cracked the code. Or, he's just cracked.

Tough Shi*t is the dirty business that Kevin has been digesting for forty-one years, and now he's ready to put it in your hands. Smear this shit all over yourself because this is your blueprint (or brownprint) for success. Kev takes you through some big moments in his life to help you live your days in as Gretzky a fashion as you can - going where the puck is gonna be. Read all about how a zero like Smith managed to make ten movies with no discernible talent and how when he had everything he thought he'd ever want he decided to blow up his own career. Along the way, Kev shares stories about folks who inspired him (like George Carlin), folks who befuddled him (like Bruce Willis), and folks who let him jerk off onto their legs (like his beloved wife, Jen).

So make this your daily reader. Hell read it on the toilet if you want. Just make sure you grab the bowl and push, because you're about to take one Tough Sh*t.

You seem to either love or hate Kevin Smith. I have yet to find someone who is ambivalent about the director (unless they literally have no idea who he is). And that's OK; someone like Smith who turned filmmaking on its head with "Clerks" deserves to be revered or reviled.

This is an interesting, if expletive-filled, book. Yeah, there's a lot of swearing here, so if you've got delicate ears - or eyes, I guess - this may not be something you want to pick up. Smith writes exactly the way I imagine him talking, which is refreshing in a way. Some "biographies" have co-writers (either credited or not) who help the author polish the work so much that you wonder who really wrote the thing. No doubt about the author here - it's Smith all the way.

What comes out most in this book is the love Smith has for two things: his family and movies. Smith would be the total homebody dad and husband if it weren't for touring to support his films. And it's obvious how much he's been in love with movies since he and his dad used to hit the local theater weekly. Indeed, some of the most touching moments of the book are Smith talking about his dad. They didn't have a mushy father-son relationship - this was before all that touchy-feely sh*t was in vogue. Smith's dad was a man's man, a postal employee who loathed his job, a smoker, a grunter. In fact, it was his dad's feelings about his job that spurred Smith to find his own way; he watched his father trudge off to a job he hated each and every day, and Kevin vowed to not be that guy.

Which brings me to the most shocking part of the book, Smith's plans to get out of the film business. I was really surprised to read that he plans to make one last movie, and then that's it - curtain closed on his directorial career. I was all "WTF???" (my poor attempt to sound like a Smith character) But he makes his point eloquently: he's been in the movie biz for 20+ years now, both as the boy wonder and then as the senior director. He's been enamored of the Weinsteins and Miramax, and he's also thumbed his nose at them when they moved on to the next boy wonder (he also stole a lot of their promo tricks, which he worked to his advantage, and which really pissed off Harvey). But as Smith himself pointed out, it's no longer fun and wonderful for him to be the director. He's told the stories he's wanted to tell, and he's getting tired of the business. He's becoming his dad trudging off to work, and remember, he does not want to be "that guy". So he's taking his talents in another direction, the podcast, and live tours of him and his band of merry men talking on stage, which was always his favorite part of the movie promo stuff anyway.

It's a cool book, told by a cool guy, a self-professed schlub who made good. If nothing else, pick it up for the chapter about George Carlin, one of Smith's childhood heroes. I cried, and like Smith, I miss George. And much as it may pain me as a movie fan, I admire Kevin Smith for taking control of his life and doing what he wants to do. I wish him luck in his next career, and we'll always have The Quick Stop.

"Mathilda Savitch" by Victor Lodato

Fear doesn't come naturally to Mathilda Savitch. She prefers to look right at the things nobody else can bear to mention: for example, the fact that her beloved older sister is dead, pushed in front of a train by a man still on the loose. Her grief-stricken parents have basically been sleepwalking ever since, and it is Mathilda's sworn mission to shock them back to life. Her strategy? Being bad.

She starts sleuthing through her sister's most secret possessions - e-mails, clothes, notebooks, whatever her determination and craftiness can ferret out. But she must risk a great deal - in fact, she has to leave behind everything she loves - in order to discover the truth. Startling, funny, touching, odd, truthful, page-turning, and, in the end, heartbreaking, [this book] is an extraordinary debut.

I have mixed feelings about this book. On the one hand, I can agree with some of the blurb above: it was page-turning, and at times heartbreaking. But I feel a lot of the blurb is just as misleading as Mathilda herself.

This is an interesting debut work by Lodato, whose credits include play writing and poetry. At times, the book reads like both a play and an extremely long piece of poetry. He's got a way with words, I'll give him that much. But he fails when trying to capture the voice of a 12-year-old girl. I'm sorry, but in no way did I ever believe that Mathilda was a "tween"; she sounds far too old and mature for her age.

It's also the sort of work told strictly in the first person point-of-view, which means we're at the mercy of Mathilda to tell us the truth. The blurb indicates that she's the only one who will tell it to us, but that's actually false. Mathilda lives in her head, and she's invented some very elaborate fantasies to get her through her life. While the majority of them revolve around her departed older sister, I got the distinct impression that she's been doing this (the fantasies) all her life. What comes across loud and clear is that this is one disturbed little girl, and I had a hard time with that.

Some of this works, some of it doesn't. For example, I thought it was interesting that Mathilda's parents are referred to as "Ma" and "Da" - never by anything else, and never their real names. I had to wonder about the author's use of "Da" though - it's not the sort of thing that most American kids call their fathers. It gives the piece a bit of a foreign flair, as well as Mathilda's name and her sister's, Helene. I wish in a way the author had given us more background on Mathilda's ethnicity, but then again, leaving it blank gives the reader a chance to fill it in however he/she wishes.

What didn't work for me, as I said, was Mathilda's "voice". At times it sounded pretty close to the 12-year-olds I know. And yes, they can be rather dramatic at times. But too often it sounded like a grown-up trying to sound like a "wise" 12-year-old: forced, with a vocabulary that just doesn't fit with today's tweens. And while I know that kids at that age are aware of their bodies, Mathilda's preoccupation with sex was just creepy. A final scene between her and her love interest had me actually squirming, I was so uncomfortable with it.

I guess in the end I can't really say whether I recommend this or not. If you're a fan of language, then maybe yes. If you're looking for a good book about a young girl, um, maybe no.

"This is How" by Augusten Burroughs

My second win from Goodreads First Reads!

I've never read anything by Burroughs, but I'd heard he was funny, so I thought "why not"? I mean, if I won, it wasn't like I was going to be out any money, and perhaps I'd discover a new author.

Well, I really don't know what to think about Burroughs after reading this book. It sounds like it should be funny from the blurb on the back. After all, what would you think when you read that the author will cover topics such as:

· How to feel like crap

· How to ride an elevator
· How to be thin
· How to be fat
· How to find love
· How to feel sorry for yourself
· How to get the job
· How to end your life
· How to remain unhealed
· How to finish your drink
· How to regret as little as possible
· And much more

I know, right? Imagine my surprise when I started getting into this book and realize - he's serious. Well, I think he is, I should say. Again, I've never read anything by him, so maybe he's having a good laugh at my expense. In any case, I read the whole thing, and I have to say, there's actually some very good advice here.

What sort of advice? Take the chapter on ending an addiction. Burroughs talks a bit about AA, and says that yes, it does work for some. But he points out that one of the 12 steps talks about "when" you slip, not "if" you slip - which almost makes it sound as if you've got permission to do so. Or that you won't have really completed the 12 steps is you don't slip. In the end, I tend to agree with him on this count: while AA and other programs may help one, in the end, you have to want to live more than you want your drug of choice. (And before anyone blasts me on here for agreeing, my husband was pretty much considered someone "with a drinking problem" about 2 years ago. After a near-death illness, at which time he was told about permanent liver damage, he now drinks exactly 2 beers/year - one on his birthday, and one around Christmas/New Year's Eve. I was amazed that he could just quit like that without going to any sort of support group. He told me that almost dying was a pretty good motivator.)

And speaking of illness, I could truly appreciate his chapter on "how to be sick". He repeats a phrase over and over: Once you're in it, it's okay. I totally get this, the idea that hearing about the illness will be the worst moment of your life. After that, everything else is okay - still hard, but okay. It truly is the unknown that is the scariest part of any illness. Once you know what exactly you're dealing with, you know there's a plan. Maybe not one you'll like, and maybe not a successful one, but still - a plan. And I like the terms "disease bride" and "DST: Disease Standard Time". Been there, done that!

Perhaps the most interesting piece of advice what on "how to end your life". Yes, he talks about the obvious, suicide (and he does a pretty darn good job of making it seem like the worst possible option). He goes on to say that there's another way to "end your life" - and that is to become someone else. After all, ending "your life" can also mean ending the life you're leading at this very moment. Burroughs did just that; he legally changed his name, moved to a new state, and began a new life. I really like this idea; you wouldn't necessarily need to go that far, but yes, if you don't like the life you have right now, change it! Hate your job? Do something different. Bad relationship? Get out of it. Just change something so that you literally are not living "your life". Granted, some of this will take a leap of faith, but it sounds like a much better option to me than slitting one's wrists.

Finally, my favorite line of the book. I believe it was in the "how to end your life" chapter, but it's still great.
"If you have two parents who love you? You have won life's Lotto." It's exactly how I feel about my own parents.

I enjoyed this book, and now I'm curious about his other work. But I worry that since I liked the "serious" Burroughs, I may not appreciate his humor.

UPDATE: I was contacted by Esther Bochner, senior publicist @ Macmillan Audio, with an offer of a clip from the audiobook. Yes, folks, people do actually read this little blog of mine, and you cannot imagine how happy it makes me! Esther graciously offered the link below, so if you prefer audio rather than print, check out the clip. And thanks very much to Esther for her help!

http://media.us.macmillan.com/video/olmk/macmillanaudio/ThisisHow.mp3