Saturday, May 10, 2014

Conflicted feelings

Lots happening at work, both jobs, and I'm still trying to decide how I feel about things. I won't go into any great detail, as I value my careers - and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But yeah...lots going on.

On the one hand, I'm sort of relieved about some of it. It takes a decision out of my hands, one I've been contemplating for a while. On the other hand, I'm not entirely sure I'm ready for this to be the decision. If that makes any sense, which is probably doesn't without all the facts. And it could be temporary anyway, so who knows what will happen.

The other thing I'm dealing with is jealousy. Well, I guess that's what I'm feeling. I don't really know, as I know I didn't want what someone else got. But I'm still a about it. I think it's because I was asked to move from what I'd always known - and was still working hard to improve - to a whole new situation, but without any increase in pay. Yep. More responsibilities, more staff, longer drive, new everything - but nothing on the money front. Now, I've always been one of those people that will do what needs to be done. I'm not a slacker. And while I get that the move means management has faith in me and my abilities, and while I'm actually getting to like my new assignment, I'm still feeling...upset? rankled? frustrated? by some other things that are happening. Or not, as the case may be. I think I'm jealous of someone else, but can you be jealous when you didn't want a certain position/assignment in the first place? That's my quandary this morning, trying to define how I feel.

Of course, in the end, it doesn't really matter how I feel. Not about any of this. They're just jobs, in the end, ways to make money to do the thing I really want to do, which is make a life with my hubby. Be able to take a vacation every year. Have some nice weekends off with him. And provide for our furry overlord, aka the cat. And now that I've written that, I realize that is what I should be focused on - making the life I want to have. I can't change anything that's happened, or that's happening. I can only control how I react to things. Which means I should stop thinking so much, get myself another cup of tea, grab my book (currently reading Spring Fever by Mary Kay Andrews - love her!) and sign off the computer for a while. Yes...sounds like plan. :-)

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